Why me?

I am not really sure what I did to make God so mad but right now I feel so helpless. On top of the bomb my husband dropped on me about ending our marriage, my children have been very sick about every 2 weeks and now I was told I need to have a biopsy on a suspicious lump in my breast. When did everything go so awry? I feel like this has to be a nightmare and I will just wake up and everything will be just fine.

As for my husband, or person I am married to, I truly have no idea who that man is. He can't even express any emotion about this whole situation. Everyday he is off hunting and doesn't spend more then a few moments with his children. I just can't wrap my brain around all of this, not one ounce. But I have to protect my children from the hurt I have been caused by this damaged person. I am so angry right now but I just have to take it one day at a time.

Another Statistic

After giving everything I possible could and dedicating my life to serving my husband, I heard what I had suspected for the last 2 years. Not one week after returning from his latest deployment, my husband informed me that he no longer is in love with me or happy in our marriage.

I spent the better part of the last few days racking my brain and trying figure out where I went wrong, what I did to make him fall out of love with me - was the house not clean enough? did I not lose the baby weight fast enough? did I push him to having kids he really didn't want? - the list goes on and on. Then I spend the other hours stressing on how bad this will screw up my beautiful girls?? How can I protect them from this turmoil and confusion?

My husband seems to have no questions or regrets about the decision to separate, as demonstrated by his usual absenteeism and dedication to all things duck hunting. We only speak about things necessary, which is nice because there are no fights, or discuss how to handle certain issues of the separation.

How the heck did I get here?!

Tomorrow is the first day...

When I wake up tomorrow I promise these things

1. I will try to change no one but myself - my actions, my thoughts, my words, my reactions

2. I will be the best mother I can be for my girls and do whatever it takes to provide a happy healthy life for them

3. I will make a plan for a career in the next 2 years and what it takes to get there

4. I will document what has happened in the past 7 years in hopes of helping other military wives

Here goes nothing...